Lawyers are allegedly the worst. A lawyer is sitting at the desk in his new office. A good lawyer can make it last even longer. Infinity is one lawyer waiting for another. Q: How many lawyers does it take to stop a … A rabbi, a Hindu, and a lawyer are in a car that breaks down in the countryside one evening. A: His lips are moving. Q: Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons? One to shake it. A bad lawyer can drag a case out for several years. 1. The puns, one liners, and foibles on this list not only serve as a trenchant critique of the bar association as a whole, but they’re also super funny. Doctors are the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too. As he hangs up, the man now standing in his office says, "I'm here to hook up your phone." Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers? Never buy from a rich salesman. And one to sue the ladder company. A: The Hindu says, “I’m humble, I’ll sleep in the barn.” Goembel John E. – 1867–1946 – "The defense rests.". I've had ample contact with lawyers, and I'm convinced that the only fortune they ever leave is their own. If law school is so hard to get through… how come there are so many lawyers? << We have over 150 Categories of Jokes on our Main Page! A young lawyer is working late one night when his door opens and in walks Satan himself. You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and a lawyer. There may be said to be three sorts of lawyers, able, unable, and lamentable. They walk to a nearby farm and the farmer tells them it’s too late for a tow truck but he has only two extra beds and one of them will have to sleep in the barn. A: In the cemetary. A: Once launched, they can't be recalled. - You shoot the lawyer. Q: Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons? (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); (1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor, (1805 – 1864) English editor, novelist & sporting writer, (1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author, (1860 – 1904) Russian short-story writer, playwright & physician, (1935 – ) columnist, journalist & novelist. I'm not an ambulance chaser; I'm usually there before the ambulance. Lawyer: One skilled in circumvention of the law. What should you do? Lawsuit: A contest generally won by the party that can afford to reimburse the lawyers on both sides of the dispute. You have a gun with two bullets. The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post "Thou shalt not steal," "Thou shalt not commit adultery," and "Thou shalt not lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. He hears someone coming to the door. “I have an offer,” says Satan. Q: How many lawyer jokes are there? Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb? Jury: Twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer. A: Just two, all the rest are true. Having your lawyer pay for lunch will be very expensive in the end. Always hire a rich solicitor.2. They’re mainly (not really) only necessary as the butt of a good joke. A: His lips are moving Q: What's the difference between a lawyer … A lawyer is never entirely comfortable with a friendly divorce, anymore than a good mortician wants to finish his job and then have the patient sit up on the table. Doctors are the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too. A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats. This Lawyer Is Thorough… A: First he lies on one side, and then on the other. Q: How does an attorney sleep? To impress his first potential client, he picks up the phone as the door opens and says, "I demand one million and not a penny less." A: If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? Q: Where can you find a good lawyer? The first thing we do, let’s kill the lawyers. One to climb the ladder. It creates a hostile work environment. A: Three. If you want to get ahead in this world get a lawyer – not a book. Speaking of which, this is a list of the funniest lawyer jokes ever. Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings… and lawyers. Lawyers are operators of the toll bridge which anyone in search of justice must pass. Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? Anton Chekhov (1860 – 1904) Russian short-story writer, playwright & physician

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